Done for now....

Since we are self pay for these treatments we are piled up with bills which means we are stopping treatments. I am so heartbroken over it but i know it’s for the best. 

On another note my friend whom is pregnant with twins is due this October i am so excited and happy for her she has been struggling with infertility for along time and even lost a baby she has had so many struggles trying to bring these babies here. I also have another friend who is also pregnant and due about the same time who has also lost babies but i am not happy for her infact i am jealous. I wish i didn’t feel this way but i do and we have been friends since 1st grade i should be so happy for her. She lost a husband, several miscarriages and now married and a step mom to 4 little girls, and now pregnant with a boy. Why am i so jealous? Why can’t i be happy for her like i am for my other friend? I feel so horrible!

I just want my second baby,  i want to be pregnant, i want my little boy to have a sibling. Why can’t it be me!