Grief

May 3, 2018 It’s my husbands birthday he turned 28 and oh how i love him so much! He is my rock through this process. Today his bday didn’t go so well i tried to be happy i did after all it’s what he wanted but my grieving took over. You see i wasn’t supposed to take a pregnancy test not until may 5, 2018 but today my period came even that small little hope was gone and grief took over.

Infertility Grief is every month and you go through the five stages of grief every month, even on  special days because sometimes you just can’t hold it all together!

So your probably wandering what I mean by infertility grief. But first it’s not like loosing a house. Every time i tell someone I’m sad or grieving they always tell me...“it’s just like loosing a house.” It’s not it’s loosing more! Loosing someone that you loved but couldn’t hold, its pain of possibly knowing that you may never be able to give birth and hold a sweet beautiful baby in your arms. Your endlessly crying, angry, denying your self, you bargain. Than you pick up your self again and start over.

Before our miracle baby I was feeling all of the 5 stages of grief. It was time for a family baptism, I knew i needed to go i tried so hard pulling my self together, but when your the only one in your family going through this, family functions are really hard to go to. Anyways i ended up holding my sweet beautiful nephew and all the emotions just took over and i cried while holding him. Just like today out of all days I was playing with my sweet boy wen all emotions took over and my thoughts were of him not having a sibling to fight with, to wrestle with, or even to play with.


I am so sorry today wasn’t a good birthday and i am so sorry for that! I know you are grieving in your own way. I love you so so much!